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not sweating it
Feb. 3rd, 2024 11:48 amI'm loving how many things I am able to mentally take a step back from and acknowledge/decide that I don't need to form an educated opinion about it, I don't need to take a position on it, I don't need to spend any more mental energy on it at all.
This could be something mundane, like the house across the street. When we moved here, there was a family over there with a high-school aged son who then went off to college. Then they sold the (admittedly huge for two people) house and moved off to the countryside. A rental company bought the house and rented it to another family with a college-age son, then they moved out about a month ago. My workroom windows face this house so I notice people coming and going from it--presumably people from the company that owns it meeting repair techs, showing it to potential renters, etc. At one point, I would have obsessively followed all these comings and goings and had a lot of opinions about what was going on over there. Now though I've decided that it's not worth devoting any mental space to it so I just...don't. I mean obvy other than the time it took to describe the situation just now.
Another example is stuff at work--there's a lot going on with interviewing applicants for the incoming fall class, there's interpersonal oddness that's flying over my head or under my radar [1], Boss Lady is interviewing for other commensurate jobs [2]. In times past, this would all have me climbing the walls with anxiety and frustration, but I've managed to be very zen about it so far. We'll get whatever students who accept our offers. There's no point what-iffing or angsting about the rest of it because either it will become my problem or it won't but for now, it's none of my business.
I know there's a tendency when you finally get therapy to place a lot of blame on your parents/guardians/family, which I try to hold them in a place of compassion. Yet it's absolutely WILD how much the minding of others' business and endlessly speculating about the problems/dramas of other was not only accepted but encouraged among my family and community in general as a kid/teen. And not in a sense of "that person is going through it and how can we support them?" but more just "that person is going through it and lets recite the litany of their woes and speculate on how it might be their fault."
[1] I can tell there's strained relations between various coworkers in other areas of the building but I can't read minds so muttered cryptic statements and significant glances are all I'm going on there.
[2] On the advice of the department chair, as a leverage strategy to give her a merit-based raise (which have been frozen for years).
This could be something mundane, like the house across the street. When we moved here, there was a family over there with a high-school aged son who then went off to college. Then they sold the (admittedly huge for two people) house and moved off to the countryside. A rental company bought the house and rented it to another family with a college-age son, then they moved out about a month ago. My workroom windows face this house so I notice people coming and going from it--presumably people from the company that owns it meeting repair techs, showing it to potential renters, etc. At one point, I would have obsessively followed all these comings and goings and had a lot of opinions about what was going on over there. Now though I've decided that it's not worth devoting any mental space to it so I just...don't. I mean obvy other than the time it took to describe the situation just now.
Another example is stuff at work--there's a lot going on with interviewing applicants for the incoming fall class, there's interpersonal oddness that's flying over my head or under my radar [1], Boss Lady is interviewing for other commensurate jobs [2]. In times past, this would all have me climbing the walls with anxiety and frustration, but I've managed to be very zen about it so far. We'll get whatever students who accept our offers. There's no point what-iffing or angsting about the rest of it because either it will become my problem or it won't but for now, it's none of my business.
I know there's a tendency when you finally get therapy to place a lot of blame on your parents/guardians/family, which I try to hold them in a place of compassion. Yet it's absolutely WILD how much the minding of others' business and endlessly speculating about the problems/dramas of other was not only accepted but encouraged among my family and community in general as a kid/teen. And not in a sense of "that person is going through it and how can we support them?" but more just "that person is going through it and lets recite the litany of their woes and speculate on how it might be their fault."
[1] I can tell there's strained relations between various coworkers in other areas of the building but I can't read minds so muttered cryptic statements and significant glances are all I'm going on there.
[2] On the advice of the department chair, as a leverage strategy to give her a merit-based raise (which have been frozen for years).
